So confused. . .

Source of confusion:
          Thursday, June 17th   -   131lbs
          Monday, June 21st         140lbs
          Wednesday, June 23rd   131lbs

See something funny in that list?  Dang.  that's all I have to say. . . dang.

Weekend Recap

• Friday
• Went in for an interview that I rocked and celebrated by going to Macaroni Grill with my mother then out shopping 
• Saturday
• Didn't eat all day, then drank copious amounts of vodka with some everclear mixed in.  Munched on 2/3 piece of pizza, a cookie, and some chips and queso dip while drunk and out at two different parties.  
• Sunday
• Massively hung over from dehydration.  Went out to eat with parents at Ippolitos for Father's Day.  Came home to munch on cheesecake.

In summary?
Dear god. . .so much sin in my body this weekend.  Monday was a bit better food wise and Tuesday was downright healthy, but yeah. . . that was . . . something special.

Daily Log

Breakfast
141kcal Peach + watermelon

Lunch
176kcal Frogs on a Log

Snack
307kcal Slice of chocolate cake

Dinner
344kcal Brown rice, veggies, onions, garlic, and an egg fried up in olive oil with spices

Snack
252kcal Yoplait vanilla creme whip + honey on a slice of bread

Totals
1219 kcal
191 carbs
  41 g fat
  34 g protein
  18 g fiber

Daily Log

Breakfast
251kcal  Peanut Butter Banana

Lunch
383kcal  Homemade Chocolate Cake

Dinner
320kcal  Homemade Brunswick Stew

Totals
954 kcal
115 carbs
  41 g fat
  42 g protein
  10 g fiber

Thoughts
I'm impressed that even with my bleeding I didn't take in over 1000kcal, I was really worried because I kept craving cake.  Luckily, I replaced cake with sex for a late night snack! ^__^ Great trade off. . .I'm definitely a sex > chocolate kind of girl.

Too little fiber though. . .cake is fine for a rare occurrence, but has too high of calories with no nutritional value for regular consumption!


Caloric intake for the past week (June 09 - 16, 2010)

Thoughts

Current weight : 132lbs
Yesterday, the day went well food wise up until the end. . .I had been cleaning and organizing all day and was exhausted, but by 1am my SO wasn't home yet, so I couldn't go to sleep (I don't sleep well without him here and he was out playing an RPG).  I felt so dead and out of it yet nauseated and I couldn't figure out why.  It was abnormal even for the extreme caloric restriction.  I couldn't handle it, so I gave in to a late night snack. . .that included wheat, dairy, and meat.  I know.  Horrifying right?

Well, first thing this morning I woke up to uncomfortable nightmares, went to the bathroom, and immediately found out why I had felt so horrible last night.  Bleeding.  Good to know I'm not pregnant, but I ended up spending the first 4 hrs of my day in the bathroom unable to function because of the pain. 

Okay, so. . .at some point productivity must be had regardless of this stupid feminine curse (outside of the chocolate cake I just made from scratch because. . .well, you know. . .)

Tues, June 16th- Daily Log

Breakfast
 47kcal  Peach + Apple cider vinegar and lemon

Lunch
316kcal  Oatmeal with a splash of light silk and honey topped with a whole mango

Snack
 99kcal  Watermelon

Dinner
317kcal  Brown rice with california mix veggies, garlic, onion, and an egg fried lightly in sesame oil (with misc. spices)

Snack
234kcal  Sliced bread with smart balance buttery spread + Half a turkey, miracle whip, and mustard sandwich + Apple cider vinegar with lemon (in water)

Totals
1015 kcal
195 carbs
26 g fat
40 g protein
28 g fiber

Still awake means yesterday = today, right?

So, today went pretty well over all.  I kept my caloric intake down, drank tons of water, nommed lots of fruit, and my body even ventured to expel some waste.

Thoughts

I feel like I was relatively productive today.  I did the graphic design for a website that my programmer boyfriend's creating for a friend in return for some homebrewed mead and it took. . .longer than it should've, but it's been a really long time since I created anything like that.  It was really nice to spend some time creating again.  Last time I did that was back in March when I made a frilly skirt.  

However, I didn't get nearly enough cleaning done today or check off what I needed to do on my to do list.  I took out 5 bins of trash, cleaned the kitchen, and went through a few items, but that was about it outside of the designing.  

So interior design?  Not making too much progress yet, but personal exterior and interior beauty's making progress at least.  

Bllrg, I should've gone to sleep as soon as I finished the design because now I'm hungry again.  I've been grazing constantly for the past few days, so I get hungry frequently.

Cons:

• Today's potsticker's contained wheat and a tiny bit of refined sugar = two big no nos for detox and my body tends to hate wheat over all.
• Momentarily blacking out while taking a clock off the wall.  Usually I handle super low calorie detoxes pretty well. . .well, at least as far as I can remember, but only on day three of food restriction and already growing weak?  Shame shame.  Well, that's what the fruit's for: keeping my blood sugar up while detoxing properly.
• I think my boyfriend's getting worried about me.  Mind you, I'm not anorexic - never have been and never will be regardless of my dietary restrictions at times.  I just love food too much!  

 

Detox Day 3- Food Log

Breakfast
205kcal  Watermelon and raw almonds

Lunch
297kcal  Grapefruit and peanut butter banana

Dinner
319kcal  Peach, veggie potstickers, stir fried veggies (with copious amounts of fresh garlic!)

Total
821 kcal
110 carbs
36 g fat
22 g protein
17 g fiber

Hmm. . . maybe a bit too much

Yup, vision just went black when taking a clock off the wall. . .I'm thinking I need a snack. . .

Mew mew mew~

^___^!  Today I was even better behaved then yesterday.  Admittedly, I had a whole tablespoon of honey and an egg (my body doesn't like animal products very much) but over all, I ate very healthy and highly detoxifying.  Even managed to keep up on my supplements. . .oh snap, that reminds me. . .I need to remember to take some vitamin B tomorrow.

Few notes that I discovered/rediscovered throughout the day and would like to implement:

• Papaya is great for detox because it has awesome enzymes that decrease constipation, make it a diuretic, aid in indigestion, make it antibacterial and antimicrobial, and stimulate bile production - - I'd love to start at the very least taking papaya tablets and preferably adding them to smoothies.
• Fruit Smoothies - I used to eat all fruit smoothies every morning, and need to start back because they help give me nommable enzymes that may be expel waste while also contributing delicious energy.
• Muesli - I used to make muesli to have on hand at all times.  Being full of oats, nuts, and dried fruit, it made a great cereal when mixed with a little silk or soy yogurt that contributed grains, fruits, and protein to lead to. . .once again, expelling waste.
• Oolong Tea - I hope to get some more of this soon, since oolong has been the single most successful device in regulating my food intake and processing in the past.  It's also full of antioxidants, promotes weight loss, promotes heart health, treats skin disorders, prevents tooth decay, and lowers blood pressure.

Detox Day 2 - Food Log

Breakfast

42kcal Apple cider vinegar and fresh lemon in hot water + half a grapefruit

Lunch

172kcal Egg scramble with tomato, jalapeno, garlic, onions, spinach, mixed peppers, and misc vinegars and spices cooked in olive oil

Snack

360kcal Frogs on a log

Dinner

340kcal Quinoa with honey, vanilla silk, and a mango mixed in

Totals

914 kcal

124 carbs

39 g fat

29 g protein

14 g fiber

Detox Day 2

Current weight 135lbs

So, yesterday's detox went surprisingly smoothly especially after Friday night's sin and death binge. I ate very lightly and avoided almost all the bad foods for detox- - no wheat, no caffeine, no dairy. . .I did have about 3oz of red wine and an egg, but over all it went well. My boyfriend even made a frozen pizza and I actually managed to resist it's meaty deliciousness.

Today's gone well so far food wise, but I need to start increasing productivity soon. . .stupid Gargoyles and X-men slowing me down.

Detox Day 1 (repeat) - Food Log

Breakfast

64 kcal Apple Cider Vinegar in hot water with lemon and honey

Lunch

227 kcal Pink grapefruit and veggie egg scramble (egg, spinach, salsa, onions, garlic, cayanne pepper, black pepper)

Snack

225kcal Peanut butter banana

Dinner

275kcal Grapefruit, kimchi, and a glass of red wine

Total:

806 kcal

100 carbs

23 g fat

17 g protein

13 g fiber

Detox Day 1. . .Fail

I should've known better than to try to start my detox on a day when I had a large family engagement. . .at Outback Steakhouse. Don't get me wrong, I tried. . .I even researched the nutritional information of the dishes available and had my mind set on getting one of their "light" Norwegian Salmon dishes with fresh seasonal veggies to keep my caloric content under 500kcal.

Well. . .when the time came to order, I failed to keep my resolve and ordered a much fattier dish.

Today's Pros:

1. Did a deep cleaning epsom salts bath where I started with a dry skin brushing followed by a damp skin/dry washcloth full exfoliation (Korean style), used organic homemade soap to wash my body and hair, applied a milk and honey mask for 10 minutes , protein packed my hair for 10mins with a raw egg followed by moisture packed for another 10mins with straight olive oil, did a sugar/oil scrub on my face and lips, and a salt/oil scrub on my body. When I emerged my skin was super soft, glowy, and well oiled and has felt wonderful all day.
2. When my mom saw me she was shocked by how good she thought my hair looked (. . .my hair is bleach platinum blonde, lightened from dark brown - - more than a little tortured)
3. I took my vitamin c, triphala, and super cleanse like clockwork
4. I logged in 6+ hrs cleaning the house today and my bedroom actually looks like a bedroom.
5. I actually took my makeup off before bed, no joke.

Cons:

1. I didn't engage in any kind of stretching, so I'm going to be aching like hell tomorrow from the heavy cleaning and organizing.
2. I consumed. . .2,200kcals between the hours of 6:30 and 9:30. Luckily none the rest of the day, but that still wreaks havoc on the metabolism. And the food I ate? Definitely not detox. Detox will have to start again tomorrow.
3. I'm scared of cleaning my kitchen. . .it just seems too daunting, and I'm not even talking about dirty dishes.

Detox

Current weight: 135lbs

Goal weight: 122lbs

Since I'm just starting getting back into good habits (I used to be vegan! What happened??) I'm starting with a three day detox to flush my system of the sin I've been pumping into it, get me regular again, shrink my stomach, and reduce bloat.

Foods avoiding:

• wheat/gluten
• refined sugar
• all liquids outside of tea and water
• alcohol, chocolate, high fat foods
• caffeine
• high sodium foods
• dairy

Supplements taking:

• Apple cider vinegar 3x/day
• Triphala
• vitamin C
• Super Cleanse

Extras:

• Castor Oil Pack - to relieve constipation and make my liver happy
• Skin Brushing and Sugar Scrub - to remove dead skin cells and increase circulation

There are a few other things I'd love to use and try. . .like oolong tea is great for me to flush things out, but I'm not looking to go out and spend money on anything and I'm out of oolong. But the super cleanse works wonders for me. If I take it on an empty stomach and am not too stressed out, then it oftentimes induces a bowel movement within the first 30mins.

Triphala is an Indian suppliment that's supposed to aid in digestion and assist in internal issues, but when I took it before I didn't really notice any difference, but I figure I'll try it again.

That time of the season

So, I can only assume that it must just be that time of the season when everyone starts either getting self conscious or getting motivated to start losing weight and trying to better themselves because I can't tell you the number of people I know who are "jumping on the diet bandwagon."

Though, I think them doesn't fit exactly what I'm looking to do here. I'm looking to achieve beauty in a variety of forms including:

• Improve my body's exterior and interior
• Improve my beauty regime
• Improve my living space
• Improve my wardrobe
• Improve my self confidence

How do I intend on doing this?

Improve my body's exterior and interior

Progressively add a comprehensive physical fitness regime to my daily life including cardio, strength, and flexibility training to help lose weight and tone my muscles.

Create a lifestyle change in my eating habits by:

Reducing consumption of refined sugar

Increasing my water intake

Decreasing gluten and dairy intake

Counting my calories

Restricting protein intake to vegetable proteins and fish

Increasing fiber intake

Drinking more oolong and green tea

Taking daily vitamins and supplements including calcium, vitamin E, C, and B

Drinking apple cider vinegar

Follow a more comprehensive beauty regime

Daily

Wash face 2x/day with milk and honey

Condition eyelashes with almond oil

Vitamin E to moisturize sensitive areas

Full body oiling/lotioning

Pre-shower body brushing

Full Sunscreen

Weekly

Deep conditioning treatment for hair

Epsom Salt Bath

Facial

Pedicure/Manicure

Full body exfoliation

Improve Living Space

I just move into the living space of a pack rat- no joke, a clinical hoarder. To be honest, it's been driving me absolutely nuts and I've been alternating between being frustrated and angry and being horribly depressed.

So, I need to quit pissing about and put all my energy into making this place beautiful and inhabitable.

Yesterday. . .I took 7 bins worth of trash down to the curb as well as several large items like decaying wood and moldy carpet. I have to keep up this purge and decorate and clean at the same time.

Improve Wardrobe

Is this a strange one to post? Well, I'm a fashion designer, yet I don't create and design nearly enough. When I'm not working on purging the home, I'd love to be able to make myself new outfits not for cosplay, but for everyday wear. I've found that the outfits I love wearing the most are always the ones I make for myself. Hopefully, I'll be able to incorporate this in my quest.

Improve Self Confidence

Ideally, putting through all these changes should result in an improved since on self confidence because I will be achieving my goals.

I'm just getting tired of feeling bloated, tired, and unsuccessful all the time. If I can get done what I want to get done, I think that I will recover that high school "can do" state of mind and become a more successful and productive individual.

So let's see how it goes!